A year ago of Sorrow, Now a day of Hope! 

by: Francielle Daly 

 

 

miscarriage-encouragementIt was Mother’s Day and I went to the local market to pick up some fresh flowers for my mother and mother in law. And then that feeling came about as I was Passing through the drug aisle and something told me to purchase “the” test. So I did. 

However, Let me rewind a little bit for you.

It was August 21, 2013. I was 20 weeks pregnant and I was going for my 2nd ultrasound. We were also there to find out the gender of our baby! Also, Awaiting us, was our family, friends, and a room filled with blue and pink- we were having our gender Reveal party that evening! I was just so excited but oh so anxious to find out!

The ultrasound technician came into the room, she prepared the equipment and prepped my belly. The moment Baby Daly appeared on the screen, our baby appeared to be hunched over and asleep. She continued to move the device on my belly, wiggled it a few times to awake our baby.

Moments later, the words YOU dread to hear……. I’m so so sorry, There’s no heart beat! 

I was in TOTAL shock!! “My baby has no what! This can’t be happening.”

She stood up and went to get the doctor.

I had just heard a heart beat weeks ago at my last Dr’s appointment. My husband still watching unsure what was going on and I looked over in tears to his question? What does that mean, In that moment I told him that meant our baby was gone. He/she had no heart beat. 

He and I held each other and cried. The first thing that came to mind was to start praying, only God could fix this if it was meant to fix! 

Minutes later the doctor on duty came in and confirmed there was no heart beat and asked what procedure did we want to follow thru with. I was in shock I had no idea what I should do! I mean it was a day in which we were was suppose to be happy ! And before I knew it the Doctor was asking how I wanted to take my unborn baby out of my belly!

imagesHours went by with all the varies people that needed to talk to us and schedule the upcoming procedure plus any additional tests we wanted to opt in for for a possible answer of why this happened to our baby! 

Then we left and went home to our party. I was so thankful that I was having a party that evening because we were around people who were supportive and cared about us. 

Two days later, I had my procedure done and Baby Daly was removed. My husband was there with me/for me throughout the whole thing, before they put me to sleep, and then the moment I woke up crying and unsure why this was happening to me! My husband was amazing because through it all he was there holding me and letting me know he was there for me! He was so understanding even in the moments he didn’t understand as well!

I think the worst part was leaving the mother baby floor without a baby.

I was lost for words and all I could do for the next couple weeks was stay in bed and wonder what I did wrong. Wonder why God allowed something so tragic and heartbreaking happen to us.

I mean the thoughts that went thru my head were exhausting which didn’t allow me to sleep at night at times. I kind of went into a depression. 

In time I got back to my daily routine and thankful for my faith, friends and family! There were times I didn’t understand things but I sure had someone who listened at all times!

During this time it sure allowed me to come to an understanding that things happen to everyone good and/or bad but it’s what we make out of it, that is the message behind it all. I could have continued to beat myself up, blame others for what had happened, but if I didn’t accept it and really allow myself to go thru “my way” of grieving and embrace it then I wasn’t going to be able to move on. In time I was healed I was able to come to the realization that my son’s ( we did eventually find out we were having a boy, Israel) heart beat simply stopped because it stopped NOTHING I did was the cause of the matter. Those where all assumptions and stories I made up in my head and if I allowed those stories to keep controlling me I was going to drive myself nuts!! 

Yes it took months to get pass this but I was able to get passed it with the right people supporting me and most importantly having my faith. Sure there are days he crosses my mind but I have peace and HOPE!

A year later, today Aug 21, 2014, I’m still here, healthy, and life is still moving!

In that time of grieving I realized so much about myself, about my husband, and most importantly about my daughter who is now 6. I grew to love her even more. It allowed me to see how strong I really ahopem and connect with other moms like me. There are so many moms that loose a child during pregnancy, and being able to connect with other moms hear their story and share my story, helped with the grieving process.

This blog was not written so you all can feel sorry for me it was written to show you no matter the circumstance. That issue in your life where Hope doesn’t seem to be seen quite yet, because the struggle, the sorrow is seeping in so deeply, there really is a light in the end of this all. It may take days, months, or years before you can see it, but if you stay connected, keep sharing, and most importantly look above Hope and peace will be found! 

The other reason why I am sharing my journey with you is because I’m happy to announce that on Mother’s Day Day, Yup “the test” was a pregnancy test, and we found out we were blessed again, I am now 18 weeks pregnant with our baby girl. There really is hope after a struggle! Hope is not from any other source outside of us but from within us.

That is where we will find, peace and hope. For when you look within you will find the only source! God! He will show you hope in so many ways, it took a little time for myself to realize this but HOPE is so possible with faith, of course!

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