Resu-MOM

ResuMOMA few weeks ago, a good friend of mine went back to work. Her oldest is in grade school and her youngest in preschool, and she just felt it was time for her to get back to the work after being home for the past few years.

As she readied herself for her first day, we all cheered her on; then we laughed with her as she regaled us with stories of twenty-somethings at the office and feeling like the “old lady” at work.

And it all got me thinking.

When one is applying for a job, one needs a resume. Now, my resume has been in hibernation since I was hired at my last job over 15 years ago. So, what would I need to add to update my resume????

Surely, it would not be the typical workplace experiences since I have been at home for almost 5 years now, but I know that I have gained some very, very valuable skills in that time that any employer would benefit from.

So, here is what I think my Resu-MOM would look like.

WORK EXPERIENCE:

  • Pretending to be calm: I am excellent at hiding my real emotions of anger, fear, sadness or complete repulsion in any given situation in order to more efficiently and effectively mitigate any potential disaster
  • Tuning out all distractions: I am able to ignore any and all distractions in my environment such as whining, crying, yelling, screaming, fighting, popping noises, tongue clicking, snapping, gum chewing, calls of “Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom …” and many, many more.
  • Mastering all public works schedules and routes: I am very familiar with the schedule for the garbage truck, tree trimmer, street sweeper, commuter train, UPS man, mailman, and recycling truck, and also the routes that each drives on any given day (Holiday schedules as well)
  • Removing Stains: I am able to swiftly assess any stain and determine the appropriate product and technique for an immediate and complete removal
  • Lego assembly and reassembly: I can decipher step-by-step Lego instructions regardless of how many books of directions come with the toy. In addition, I am well versed in the reassembly of all Lego creations even after the books of directions have been throw away – at times with minimal assistance from Google images.
  • Managing the DVD Without Visual Confirmation: While, I have never actually seen a movie playing in my own car, I am able to start, stop, rewind, fast forward, select specific scenes, and skip previews for a vast library of children’s DVDs
  • Throwing Items to the Way-back of my Car while Driving: With MLB pitcher-like precision, I am able to throw any object to my children in the 3rd row of seats while continuing to drive.
  • Consuming Wine: Cheers!

Check out more of my writing on my personal blog www.pleasesendmorewine.com or on Facebook: Please Send More Wine. Instagram :@pleasesendmorewine Twitter: @plssendmorewine or find me on Pinterest.

 

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Leave A Reply (1 comment so far)


  1. Colleen Sall
    1 year ago

    I love this for its tongue-in-cheek humor, but actually, I found that being a mother requires that you develop abilities that will serve you well in all aspects of life. I never would have believed it when I was a working person, but having been in corporate life for almost 15 years, home for 12 and now figuring out how I can return to work, I see the maturity that both work life and home life bring to maturing a person. Thanks for reminding us! Cheers, Emily!

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