It’s Okay to Not Feel Okay

ftm blog okay to not feel okayThere are times in our lives that feel totally normal, excruciating, unfair, happy, unbelievable, joyful, sad, and just plain so-so. Over time, they all balance each other out, but in the midst of the so-so, sad, and even worse it’s okay to not feel okay.

It’s okay not to smile or just to fake one to get through the day. It’s okay to let a few things go and pick up the pieces later. It’s okay to ask for help or just accept it when your friends and family offer it. It’s okay to not know what you need and to be unsure.

Give yourself time to process what you are feeling and permission to feel your way through it, because in time, this too shall pass. That much I know.

Even when times are there toughest, somehow we understand that less than ideal circumstances are usually just temporary. Of course, everyone has a different threshold for what “temporary” means to them. For me, it could be a few months, but for someone else it could only be a few days, weeks or even years. Outside of life altering circumstances, I believe that given time and proper self-care you will  feel better and more than okay.

Right now I am dealing with some heavy medical decisions. I am a BRCA-2 carrier (a predisposition to breast and ovarian cancers) and have been processing that news since my middle child was born. He turns 9 years old in a month. So “temporary” for me has been nearly a decade!

During that time, we planned for and announced a successful third pregnancy to our family and friends, only to lose that baby girl at the end of her first trimester. We were heartbroken. Plus,  my kids were expecting a sibling, not a sad and broken mommy. Fortunately, we were quickly blessed to be expecting again. I was nervous during my entire pregnancy, but those nine months were temporary as her joyful life now unfolds in front of me.

As they have grown up, I have been dreading the decisions related to major preventative-care surgeries.  I stumbled through the decision-making process and took a little longer than my doctors recommended because I wanted to find the right team of doctors for me and make the most informed decisions possible.

There was a lot to decide, and there have been weeks that I have not felt okay with the decisions I made. The decision to not have any more children was the hardest decision of  all.  Some days, I struggled to get through the day. Yet, I knew… even on the darkest days following my miscarriage and making decisions related to my own possible mortality that doing nothing was not helping me feel any better.

Instead, I picked myself up and got busy learning. I studied up on my genes and options, read research studies, worked with a life coach, made better choices, hired a personal trainer, and started viewing this phase of life as temporary. I gave myself permission to not feel okay and to know that I was alright. By accepting that it’s okay to not feel okay, I suddenly felt better. I could make it through the days and weeks. I could make clearer decisions, and accepted them as my own. I decided. Life didn’t decide for me.

However you are feeling right now, know that it’s just temporary. YOU get to CHOOSE how you feel about your circumstances. YOU get to take time and PROCESS those feelings. It’s okay to not feel okay, but just know that it won’t last forever.

There are no happy accidents.


Check out more of my writing on my personal blog, on Pinterest: No Happy Accident and on Facebook: No Happy Accidents.  

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Leave A Reply (3 comments so far)

  1. Katy
    2 years ago

    How you can still be helping others when you are the one who we should be helping amazes me. Wonderful read – your blogs truly help me and I am so appreciative for them / keep on keepin on girly-friend

  2. Stacy
    2 years ago

    You write so well Kim. Reading this segment has taken me back a few years and I wish so badly someone would have told me “it’s ok to not feel ok”. My Mom was by my side the most and she would just hug me and say it’s ok repeatedly, probably meant the same, but to have my feelings validated and accepted is what I needed from all. You are going through so much right now and I can imagine the emotions are wild at best, but yet you continue to inspire. That’s pretty amazing Kim. You are nothing short of amazing. Please let me know if you need anything. Lots of love, Stacy

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