Kissing Frogs: Top 6 Things I Learned Dating Post Marriage

Dating in your thirties post children is a whole different cup of tea.  I am not some young lady who is easily swept off her feet with a naïve mind and lack of experience.  I am a woman who has two kids who doesn’t have time for anyone’s crap and is not really desperate for or aching to be in a relationship.  Let’s be real…between running my household, my job, and my two amazing tiny humans the thought of giving someone anything I have left over just seems unappealing.  With that said I think it’s still important to put yourself out there and see what experiences the world has to offer.  All my single mom friends and I constantly laugh and groan about the pitfalls of dating at this point in our lives.  While it may often be full of guys who randomly disappear and a large army of man-children, there is still great reason to keep doing it.   Dating is important, but it’s hard to enjoy it when you are so caught up in finding Mr. Right.   You see with every bad or good date I’ve had I learned or realized something about myself.  So figured why not share all the things I learned when I was out kissing frogs in hopes that it may help you.Kissing Frogs

1.  I Am More Mature and Decisive Than I Thought

Let’s be real, no offense guys, but there are a gaggle of grown men out there who are just giant children.  They wouldn’t know real responsibility if it hit them in the face, they can’t communicate, and think life is a party.  KEG STAND…no thanks!!  They are regulars at far too many adult drinking establishments, which is obvious because of how well they the staff knows them, and they may or may not be more than still babied or cared for by their mommies.  All of this certainly makes me my mess of a situation seems together!  If you are above 35 and still live at home…I’m talking to you!  Oh wait and then there are those that can’t hold down a serious conversation, only text and don’t realize the telephone has a calling option, those that never got grown up jobs, those that don’t actively involve themselves with their kids, and those that think it is easier to disappear than just send a simple text or message that they no longer want to get together, even if it completely contradicts with their behavior from a few hours or days prior.  I have heard of countless “men” who after dating the same person for a few months just fell off the face of the earth.  Really?   Cowards!  Let’s be real, ghosts haven’t been trending since Whoopie put them on the map back in 1990 when the movie was first released.  Grow a pair!  Look, all the guys out there are not bad, but for every man-child I met, I realized more about what I wanted out of life, how much I have grown as a person, how focused my priorities are, and how badly I DO NOT need a child who is about to hit 40!

2.  I Still Got It, Plus More

I’m not perfect and have a lot to learn but after being in a relationship that’s not so great for a long time, you kind of fall part, feel unappreciated, and don’t realize your own self worth or beauty.  Any guy out there…good date or bad made me realize that I STILL GOT IT!  (In fact I am a better version of me than I ever was before)

3.  I’m Miss Independent – May The Needy Stay Away

While its nice to be adored, daily texts and calls just aren’t necessary.  I don’t want to spend every free moment I have communicating via text or physically being with you.  This mom has got THINGS to do!  I forgot what an independent person I used to be and now that I remember, I’m not looking to be tethered to you via technology.  Thank you for harassing me, I’m flattered really…I just don’t want to spend my time with someone not confident enough to respect and give me the space I need.

4.  I Have A List And No Shame

Prior to my kids I was never super picky or had some ridiculous checklist of what I wanted in a partner.  I thought it was crazy and while I don’t have a long list I most definitely have one now!  I have some very important non-negotiables and it feels good.  Sorry I’m 40 and I still get high daily, but you definitely aren’t making the cut!  I don’t mean stupid stuff like looks, level of income, or blinks a certain number of times an hour.   I mean serious deal breaking things that just don’t align with my morals, faith, or family.   I am not going to give out my list because I don’t like handing out a manual to my heart, but with that said at least I have one!

5.  I Have Certain Fears

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard someone say, “He is just too nice.”  What in the world does that even mean?  How is that even possible?  What do want ladies, a complete jerk?  Nice means nothing if there is no chemistry but often the nice guy doesn’t gets a fair chance.  We all say we want a guy with a backbone and not a guy who is too nice, but I’m sure most people have their limits.  A pushover…not so good, but a guy that wants to treat you well…a person to run from?  Why do we often grab our running shoes as soon as a door holding, flower buying, emotionally open male comes our way?  Maybe it just throws us all of since we are not used to it.  To all the nice guys out there thanks for making me realize that your nice and caring personality is hardly the problem.  The problem is my scared and still healing heart that is terrified of getting hurt and scared of being let down because I often doubt that nice can last.  I have got some issues and I am going to deal with them, because I for one do want to end up with the “guy who was too nice.”

6.  You have To Be Ready

I never understand when I hear people go from one marriage or relationship right to another.  There is something really necessary about the time in between.  It is time for you to reflect, grow, work on yourself, and learn to truly be happy.  Swinging from one branch to the other will only transfer half of your old relationship issues to the new one, regardless of how different they people are.  Plus if you aren’t ready no matter how much someone cares about you or even loves you, you cannot receive that love if you are not open and ready for it.  It will bounce off your numb heart like and never truly be felt.  Of course the same goes for having to truly have the ability to give it.  Don’t be in such a rush to repeat history, take your time and find something real when the time is right.

I could go on and on and about all that I have learned while navigating this annoyingly tech savvy mess of a dating world.  The point is, yes I have kissed some frogs and maybe even some princes, but dating needs to be about finding you.  Be confident being alone and stop looking for Mr. Right.  Don’t date to find your future spouse, date to find your future self.  After you do that you never know what may come your way.  Embrace all the moments that come with the territory, good or bad, and just enjoy the heck out of your life.  Appreciate what you have and for every frog you kiss, think about what it has taught you. (Perhaps you should stock up on lipstick just in case it takes a few)  Oh yes and go grab a glass of wine with your friends, but don’t forget to wear a pantiliner because you might pee yourself hearing everyone’s stories! 

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