5 Ways I Learned to Show My Hubby Some Lovin’, Even as a Busy Mom

mom wife busyLet’s face it. We live in a fast-paced world. Gone are the days of lazy strolls and slow sipping. Today is all about how much we can get done before we fall into bed at night exhausted. And when you add a family to the mix, you’re not only busy for yourself, you’re busy for multiple people – all the time.

This type of living makes it especially difficult to connect with others and cultivate real relationships. What used to be hand-written notes or hours-long phone calls has been replaced by quick tweets, emojis, and little blue “thumbs-up” signs. Now that our messages have a much broader reach, it can be hard to narrow down our focus and forge a quality connection with the one person who matters most, our spouse.

I know in my family, and probably many of your as well, a conversation between my husband and I goes a lot like this:

“Honey, trash.”
“Got it.”

“Working ‘till 6:00”

“K, I’ll hold off dinner.”

“Baby pooped.”

“Got it.”

And while humorous, this type of interaction is not conducive to a healthy, long-lasting marriage. In fact, research says couples who spend several hours a week of quality time together have a much better chance of making it than couples who spend less than 5 hours together over 7 days (source).

Knowing how important it is to make an effort in my marriage, I decided to conduct a little experiment.

Over the past two weeks I went  through my schedule to try to find ways to connect more with my spouse. Through my research, I found several little tips to ensure my husband knew how important he is to me and make him feel loved. Naturally, I am passing my results on to you.

So, here are the five things I found were simple enough incorporate into my day and help me show my hubby a little love, even as a busy mom.

1.Send A Morning Text

On a typical day, my husband leaves the house at around 5 a.m., to go to work, leaving me and the baby in bed. Depending on how late he works, we might not see him until dinner, bath, or even bed time. On these later days, I made it a point to reach out to him early in the morning.

Even before getting out of bed, I sent a sweet text letting him know I was thinking of him. Some days these were short, maybe just a couple words, but the effort was still there. Then, on a day when I knew he had a super important meeting with a company bigwig I made sure to send a bit longer message with some encouraging words to help get him pumped up.

At the end of the day he came home and let me know how important that message had been and that he had reread it several time before the meeting. His comment made my efforts all worth it, even though it really didn’t take much on my part.

The Lesson: a little bit goes a long way

Total Time: < 30 minutes over 2 weeks    

2. Take One Thing Off His Plate

Like many of you, my hubby is just as busy as I am. Sure some days are more relaxed than others, but in general he is running around with just as much to do as me; and in our house, a lot of little things can get pushed to the back burner.

Though we really try to split household responsibilities evenly, I am typically the one who runs the household and remembers what has to be done and when. I try not to nag, but I often end up reminding my husband of things multiple times. Ok- let’s be honest, I nag…

But during this two week experiment, I decided I would just tackle the one thing I had been nagging about and I took my husband’s car to get the oil changed. Though this took a chunk of my time, it felt good to finally get it taken care of, to cross it off the list, and know my partner’s load was a little lighter to bare.

The Lesson: Stop bitching and just do it

Total Time: 1.5 hours over 2 weeks

3. Give Him a Free Pass

Calm down, calm down, I know what you’re thinking. But that’s not what I mean.

Being as busy as he is, my spouse doesn’t always get the time to unwind that he would like. After a late day at work, finishing any homework he might have and trying to spend time with me and the baby, my husband often tumbles into bed without taking even 5 minutes for himself.

Recognizing this, as part of my experiment I offered my hubby a free night to himself to do whatever he wanted. He could go out for a beer with buddies, watch a “guy movie” or play violent video games (all things I could care less about). I told him I would get the baby for her first wake up – which is usually his turn – and that he could take over the big screen in the living room and I’d stay upstairs.

All right, if I’m being completely honest here, this one had a little side benefit for me as I got a good chunk of time to myself too. So while hubby watched his movies, I got to watch girly TV without interruption, put on a face mask, and play on Facebook without any wife guilt!!

But seriously, I could tell my hubby was extra relaxed after his night off and that he was really thankful for the time to just veg out a little without his own dose of husband guilt.

The lesson: A little time apart can be healthy too

Total Time: 3 hours over 2 weeks

4. Make Time For Some Funhot dat e

Yes, quality time is extremely important for your marriage. But, time together does not always have to be super serious. In fact, fun, silly, spontaneous activities can be just as relationship-building, if not more so than long, intense talks. So, a good way to show your spouse some love is to put the to-do list on hold for just a few and to pencil in some fun. For my experiment, I made sure we did something enjoyable twice over the two week period.

First, with the weather getting a bit better and not so scorching, we took a family lunch and sat on the patio at our favorite restaurant. Our baby was in rare form and didn’t cry or fuss at being in the highchair and we got to sit in the Fall sun and enjoy some good food.

A couple days latter, we took our daughter to story time at our local bookstore. Being huge book nerds, my husband and I would often head to this store before baby and spend the afternoon reading with a cup of coffee. We had a fun time recreating the experience with our little one who laughed all the way through the story.

The Lesson: Lighten up once in a while

Total Time: 5 hours over 2 weeks

5. Learn His Love Language

No one likes their efforts to go unnoticed. And being a busy mom, you probably have very little time to make a big effort, which is exactly why knowing your hubby’s love language makes all the difference.

If your spouse spoke Bulgarian, you wouldn’t try to talk to him in Spanish, would you? The same is true when we think about the ways we communicate our love. Every person receives love in their own unique way. Regardless of how hard you try, your husband will not internalize your love messages unless they are sent in a way he understands. So, rather than waste a bunch of time, it’s worth it to learn exactly how best to love your partner.

There are five love languages, giving gifts, touch, words of affirmation, quality time, and acts of service. Though it’s possible for more than one language to appeal to your hubby, he likely has a primary one. If you’re unsure what it is, head here to take the love languages quiz.

Knowing that my husband prefers to receive love as words of affirmation, I made special effort during my experiment to verbally praise him. When I noticed he had done the dishes I told him how that saved me so much time. Likewise, when his business meeting went well I made sure to tell him how much of an asset he is. I could tell by the look on his face he was genuinely flattered.

The Lesson: Speak his language

Total Time: < 15 minutes over 2 weeks

When I looked back at my results over the past two weeks, I was shocked to see that I made such an impact on my husband in such a little amount of time. Though it took some juggling to fit some new things into our routine, the biggest thing I learned from my experiment is that it really is possible to make an effort in your marriage despite being a busy mom.

I hope you found these 5 tips valuable. If you’d like more advice on spicing up your marriage, head here for a free course on How To Date Your Hubby

Marissa Lawton

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