Top 4 Ways To Keep Your Fall Unscary

Fall Unscary copyI freaking love Fall.  If I could for the season I would live in a pumpkin and every day eat pumpkin bread, drink pumpkin ale, and maybe add in a little pumpkin ravioli to change things up.  Notice I left out pumpkin spice lattes.   Sorry Starbucks zombies, they just aren’t my thing.  Anyway, with all the beauty that fall brings there are a few things I just don’t want to do this year.  Here are a few ideas and tips for keeping your fall unscary:

1. Eat Candy Corns

Just don’t even pick up the candy corns. Every year I get all excited to see them, but all it takes is one to realize that they don’t taste as good as I remembered. It takes another 3 to make me think I like them again, then about another 10 to realize that they are indeed disgusting.  Those worthless candies may have been great as a child when you thought it was fun to pretend you lost a tooth, but that’s about it.  I wish I realized this sooner.  I already had some, but maybe it’s not too late for me to save you.  If after all that you still really think you want them throw a handful of sugar in your mouth, swish it around, spit it out, do 10 jumping jacks, and then punch yourself in the stomach.  I promise you that you will feel just about the same…just minus the calories.  You’re welcome.

2. Go Broke Over Costumes

While some stores that rhyme with Zottery Yarn may have some of the absolute cutest costumes I surely won’t be splurging there.  Not only is out of budget for me but it is ridiculous.  Most years it’s so cold around here we have to add a coat and nobody knows what you are anyway.  This year we got real smart and went to choose from Costco’s finest!  That’s right people, save the money and go get yourself a pumpkin spice latte.  Sure you have to be ready to pounce on it as soon as their Halloween collection is debuted, but it’s cool you don’t mind thinking about Halloween come 4th of July.  Besides you have extra time to go between your family picnic and the fireworks.  Lets look on the bright side, it could always be worse.  Your kid could have to go as a candy corn.

3. Bar Costume Party

Sure Halloween and costume parties can be fun..right?!  No! They absolutely suck.  They are overpriced uncomfortable ways to be cold, over serve yourself, and feel good about it.  That is way too much work for this busy mom.  This year I’d rather sit on the couch in giant sweats curled up under a blanket sipping on a glass of red wine stuffing my face with chocolate and getting first pick at all the good stuff.  We are talking kit kats, snickers, peanut butter cups…not any of that almond joy, 100 grand, or solid colored rolled up candy people have been handing out since 1905.  You know why I think it’s so bad?  I think nobody likes it, they got it as kids, and just wanted modern day kids to have a slice of misery so they saved it to hand out.  That’s sure is what it tastes like… little pieces of hate candy!  Call me scrooge I don’t care, but this year for Halloween I am going to go as…tired and there is no better way to be that costume than be on the couch taking the good stuff from my littles.

4. Be Prepared

There will be no giant bags of candy bought early since it was on sale.  I’ll never forget the year I thought it would be a good idea to buy a giant bag at my favorite bulk warehouse and I ate almost all of it before Halloween. (Not proud) Those mini candies can really get you.  They are mean little devils and two at time those little suckers can creep up on you.  They seem fun and innocent until by the time trick or treating rolls around I can barely look at a piece of candy and I most definitely have to wear stretchy leggings for the next few months, if not all winter. (It’s always a downward spiral from there)  This year I am running out to the store on that day…and I might literally make myself run to remember what I am going to have to do every day if I eat them all.  Yeah so maybe it will be picked over and I might have to even run to another store…but if there is nothing left and I have to end up giving little orange and black pieces of hate candy out than so be it.

This year I am going to love fall and keep my life as grand as I possibly can.  Call it grouchy, hate, or boring.  Call it anything you want.  I am going to call it smart (minus my candy corn mistake) and when I don’t have to watch some underdressed girl falling down at a bar, break the bank, or pretend to make a shocked face when my pants don’t fit next month…I won’t care what you think.  Fall can be quite scary folks…save yourselves!

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